Author Archive
Kids, Parents & Power Struggles
Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is by far the most helpful parenting book I’ve ever read… and I’ve read lots. It focuses on acknowledging the emotion behind your child’s behavior, with the idea that once your child feels understood they will bring down their intensity… and then you can work on enforcing your standards.
Add comment March 19, 2009
Managing Expectations this Christmas
posted by Carol White
My mom just send me a funny article from the San Jose Mercury News titled, “For Christmas this year, it’s all about managing expectations.“ Mike Cassidy writes about trying to convince his family that this year Christmas is going to be like the Whos down in Whoville, holding hands and singing with no presents at all. I really enjoyed it.
There’s also a great article on the First 5 web site by Lindsay Dunckel called “Please can you buy it for me? Our children as consumers and what you can do about it.“ Read the article.
You have my best wishes if you are trying to scale back this Christmas. I know I’d love to have my holiday be more about spending time together, and less about “getting more stuff.”
1 comment December 22, 2008
What’s Happened to My Mind?
posted by Carol White
I was at a BBQ at my daughter’s preschool the other night and I was having a conversation with another mother about memory, or lack of memory. She is 28, and let’s just say that I’m not.
There’s probably no medical study supporting this, but every mother I talk to feels like her mind is a sieve. I never used to forget people’s names. I could meet them once, and remember their name three years later. Now I can’t remember anything, or anyone. As a child my mother seemed on top of everything. It was also a different era. She didn’t work, and young couples didn’t have to stretch as much to buy their first house.
At the BBQ all the moms were coming up with their own theories of “what happened to our minds” and we decided it was this:
- Lack of sleep
- Loving another little person so much that you are constantly worrying about if they are rested, if they have a full tummy, if they have sunblock on, where are you going to send them to preschool, and on and on.
- A lot of responsibilities other than your child(ren) including: your job, your mortgage, your husband.
- And in some cases… getting older
There. That’s the mommy version of a scientific study.
1 comment July 25, 2008
No Growling Allowed
posted by Carol White
My daughter’s class spent a month this year studying bears and camping. Her teacher had a sign in the classroom that read, “No Growling Allowed.” Now no one in the whole world, unless you know us really, really, well, would ever guess that my daughter growls. She looks far too quiet and sweet to growl, but trust me, she does. I’ll see her coming towards me with both hands on her hips and a low “grrrrr.” I’ve never met a bear in the woods, but I’m sure my reaction would be about the same—curl up in a ball, and get ready to be mauled.
Usually growling goes hand-in-hand with not enough sleep. This this time of year, not enough sleep is the norm. Since the time change my daughter has woken up every morning at 6 a.m. If you keep her up until midnight, she also wakes up at 6 a.m., except every once in a while when she sleeps until 6:45 a.m. Now getting her to bed early enough for her to feel rested in the morning is next to impossible. Every night we try to go upstairs to bed at 7 p.m. and then maybe she’ll be fast asleep by 8 p.m. Usually it’s more like 8:45 p.m. and then the next morning at 6 a.m. she is wide awake and growling.
Once summer vacation rolls around and she is up late every night for a couple of weeks, she’ll finally throw in the towel and start sleeping until 8 a.m. I can’t wait. This time of year with the nights getting shorter it’s all I can stand to start bedtime at 7 p.m. Bring on summer vacation… I’m ready!
Add comment June 10, 2008
The Unintentional Family Bed
posted by Carol White
For a family that hasn’t really ever been “family bed” people, we sure have a lot of family in our bed. My first daughter has mostly always been in her own bed, partly because she likes it that way, and partly because I wasn’t going to have a “family bed” when she was born. But then I had a second baby, and loosened up (a lot).
My second daughter used to start the evening in her own bed in the room she shared with her sister. That would last for maybe a couple of hours and then she’d be in our bed for most of the night. I loved having her in bed with me, and still do. She is the warmest, snuggliest, loviest little lump next to me in the middle of the night. She is now five and probably ends up in our bed around 3 or 4 a.m. most nights. While I’d have her there all the time, my husband doesn’t love having her in our bed. It’s a queen, she is getting pretty big, and it’s quite cozy with her there.
When we put the kids to bed at night, I get a chance to sleep with my older daughter. She is eight, and we have gone through every imaginable scenario of bedtime routine. My husband and I have taken turns putting the kids to bed. We have had the children put themselves to bed (good luck). We’ve had them fall asleep on their own, and we’ve had them fall asleep with us.
Now, they are 5 and 8, and while I’m sure they are perfectly capable of falling asleep on their own, they will only go to sleep with a grown up. My husband and I alternate who puts who to bed, so one night I’ll put my younger daughter to bed, and the next night I’ll put my older daughter to bed. We finally figured out, after lots of fighting, that they need a little time at the end of the day without their sibling.
Personally, I love the one-on-one time with each child at bedtime. We read stories, talk about our days, and then we fall asleep with them. My husband often gets up and reads, and I almost always stay in bed. I’m making up for years of lost sleep. And, it’s my chance to wrap myself around their little bodies and hope they never get any bigger.
1 comment May 2, 2008
Carol White