First 5 Nevada County’s Blog

posted by Amanda Scheerer

As families move further into the world of high tech online interaction and into what seems like endless faceless computer/media time, we are also working more hours to keep the family afloat and sharing less actual conversation time with our children.

Computers and other media do provide information and entertainment; however they lack the ability to model appropriate emotional responses to day by day situations. These emotional skills are an important component in our children’s healthy development.

“How are you feeling today?”

This question is a no-brainer for most adults; however, it is very different for young children.  Being able to recognize our own feelings and emotions, and also being able to identify those same feelings and emotions in others, is a skill that each of us must learn. This skill is called empathy and it is an important key to helping children become well adjusted, resilient adults.

Disappointment, anger, sadness, family and peer conflicts and emotional frustration, can leave a child feeling at loose ends. The inability to understand these feelings and a lack of basic problem solving skills can easily lead a child into emotional meltdowns, tantrums, aggression or depression.  

Take some time to work with your child on developing a few simple coping skills and you will create a more harmonious family atmosphere while also giving your children some basic and useful tools that can be pivotal to their social and academic success. 

Here are some simple tips that you can use with your young child to begin this process: 

1. When you are out with your child, take the time to point out the emotions that you see being demonstrated by others around you.  For example, at the park you may see children playing happily together, you can say – “Oh, look at those children, they look so happy, they are all smiling aren’t they? They must be having fun.”  Or, if you see a conflict occuring between children, or a parent and child, you might say “He doesn’t look very happy, I think he must be feeling (sad/angry/frustrated); what do you think?” 
2. Cut out pictures which depict people showing strong feelings – happy, sad, excited, angry, surprised, disgusted, etc. try to find two of each emotion.  Glue the pictures onto index cards.  You may now use the ‘feeling cards’ for different activities with your young child. You can ask your child to match up two cards that illustrate the same emotion on each, or let them choose a card from a grab bag and name the feeling that the card shows.
3. Talk to your children about things going on around them while you point out connections to the emotions those situations bring up.  Talk about what scares them, what makes them happy, or what makes them sad.
4. Make sure your child understands that it is okay to be happy or mad or grumpy or sad.  Explain that we all have all of those feelings inside and that there are often times when people have differing emotions about the same situation, like when one child enjoys catching and looking at insects or bugs, yet another may be terrified of them.  Pointing out these differences helps children to understand that we must be aware of others’ emotional needs as well as our own.  
5. Teach your child some self-soothing methods such as taking a few slow deep breaths when he is upset; counting to ten before responding to a frustrating situation in haste; or drawing a picture that expresses his emotions.  A fun choice is take him outside to ‘run it off.’  Physical activity helps to calm down the body and the mind.

These tools, when used by a child who is feeling frustrated or angry, allow that child to feel more ‘in control’.  When a child is able to understand and cope appropriately with his or her emotions, that child feels safer and more competent, which in turn helps to boost his or her self-reliance and self-esteem. Strong empathic and emotional skills have been studied and found to increase both social competence and academic success. 

So, the next time that you ask a child “How are you feeling today?” remember that for them, it isn’t always an easy question to answer.